_A Kid with 10 Parents_ pitch

 Update on asking advice exercise

improved versions:

1: the fun uncle/aunt: pair childless persons with those who have a child and give the child another adult in their life; modification: add communication about how much access the fun relative gets to the child.  And have a good screening process.

2. "adopting" a young adult: adoptee needs to be informed that this is about the elder wanting to pass on their legacy and values (though not requiring they adopt values that they might not agree to, just agree to listen and consider). Prompts for conversations--and include the question of "what do you believe happens after you die?"

3. smartphone game: 10 or more adults play parent to an eleventh person.  Childless or childfree people are welcome to play; you don't have to disclose which one you are, but if you have children you do need to disclose that (at least after the first round).  You have to play and keep your child alive (at least 3 conversations per day) for at least a year before you are given the contact info of the other players to meet off-game.  The software will scramble any contact info you attempt to send if you try to circumvent.

4. old-pooling: young adults get to "adopt" an old person in their community, recognizing that their commitment is what relieves pressure that old person would otherwise put on their children to procreate.  There is strong encouragement to get "adopted" before you're infirm; this is not elder care-giving, but rather socializing.  If hard labor is involved, it will be inspired by relationship the adopter has previously built with the adoptee, or else it will be paid labor by another person, not dumped on the adopter

5. tv show: 10 parents raising one child, but she has a best friend who's just about always staying over at her house, and a foster brother.  Additional on-line forum and community conversations to support people actually doing this in their lives; podcasts.

the advice received (reflections and so on are below):

ADVICE from 5 people

DD’s responses

1. fUncle.  Love the idea of tit takes a village. 
1. Where are you proposing—US or world? 
2. Chinese already tried this
3. G7 / conspiracy 
4. Built on Econ and population growth
5. Colonialism screwed it up, tribalism better; need to review best practices; being in community has to be relearned ; how fast that can happen? 
6. Wrong : American dream would have to change 
7. Biggest obstacle is bio drive. Gut instinct   
8. Best case scenario all would rally around the children and animals that are here, start from ; unfortunately babies are gonna keep coming out
2. Adopt young adult
1. Old people it’s not the same; genes to continue. People have to get past their drive for immortality. Belief structure  
2. Spiritual: Judeo-Christian idea through genes; each soul sovereign being of light independent of hte genes , can get past it ; spirit animal needs to get past the spirit-soul in us
3. 10 parents raise one child: 
1. even 2 or 4 is ok
2. the problem is people have kids so will be cared for; can 1 child take. Care of 10 people 
3. Like the idea of kids being taken care of and less of them coming around 
4. Problem that our system is based on next generations paying into other social security system—have a crisis
4. Game
1. Hands-on is only valuable care; entertainment can be outsourced not a big fan of technology raising children 
2. Vetting those who aren’t committed, how you do with tech I don’t understand
5. Netflix show
1. Friends — very popular ;
2. Not a tv-watcher; only get a certain audience based on whoever: white people? Black people? Mixed? Comedy ? Tragedy? 
3. Is it an impetus to change our society? Not a bad idea 
4. One child by self is not a good idea, 2 children so they have a peer,  people are pack animals 

CJ’s responses

1. funcle: good solution, as advocate who’s felt left out 
1. Been a fun uncle, uncle weirdo
2. Not particularly any downsides, gives parent autonomy and agency, childless person can participate as much or as little as they want; 
3. Downside uncle; may feel they don’t have enough time or access, I wouldn’t worry but some would
2. Adopt a grown 18+ y-o 
1. Don’t know how that works; big brother-type thing?
2. Would grandparents feel a part of that person’s life? 
3. As the person in that scenario, I don’t know it would safisfy my mo’s desire to have a grand kid; stepsons they are excited about
3. 10 adults raise one kid
1. Big project—trying to get 10 people to do the same thing hard
2. Interesting concept, that kind of group involvement
3. Why not 100? 3 or 6 more manageable
4. Used to be more of a community organizer, now more insular and a lot of people are after covid
5. If there’s a coparenting network that strong, it would be freakin amazing, kid would be super ; I’m not aware of such environments
6. I don’t know if I know 10 childfree people period
4. Raising a child game
1. Pretty amazing
2. Can’t understand app — childfree people would support a family who already has a child
3. Totally didn’t make the idea clear that it’s before a. Child is born
4. Avant garden could have merit
5. Don’t know what to think about that, beyond my pay grade in terms of interest in kids, parenting, co=parenting 
6. I’m guessing in general people are very reluctant to share parents duties and kid team outside of family 
7. Childfree people would not want to be involved in raising other people’s children, and childed people would not want to trust childfree people
8. Childfree is a loaded term; plenty of people who when you use that feel that as designating it by choice vs. “childless”
5. Adopt an elder
1. Need more clarification: understand intentional lowering birth rate potentially fewer younger people to take care of / economically supporting; planet dying out as a species: good luck with that; would be nice if the species did die out, trend is opposite; 
2. The idea is an app that young childless people ? 
3. A beautiful thought, maybe people who have lost their parents and just want to be of service
4. I think the problem is overstating the people who would line up to care for old people. They pay a lot of money and it’s a tough job that few people want. 
6. * Streaming show
1. I like that one, cool idea
2. Haven’t heard of something like that, man that would be cool if that existed
3. Not to say it has never, but unimaginably rare 
4. One kid and 900 million has had that opportunity maybe I’m way off it’s 1 20,000.  Dozens of times in history since cave people. Modern industrial times.  

7 first—the most likely, reality-based, likeliest to be implemented.  

 two and last two; the apps least viable.  They’re all cool ideas.  

—CJ

J’s responses

My project is to address the need for population balancing and more deliberate choices about bringing children into the world with intrinsic motivation, not coercion.

I have five rudimentary ideas at this point to solve problems that people feel:

1.  Advocates of lowering population, when trying to get people to have fewer or no children, are met with hostility and indifference.  The advocates feel ignored, left out and hurt.
 
Solution: “child-pooling.”  A matchmaking service that pairs childless people with parents.  Let childless people be the "fun uncle" or "fun aunt" and play a role in the child's life without them needing to bring a whole new body into the world.
 

J: infertility already rising; possibly of living on other planets.  Screen really well.  Anybody right now can have a child , which is a nightmare.  Have people demonstrate capability skill commitment caring for, being taught certain skills.  Making some kind of commitment to a program of training. Some kind of licensing, certificate; (cf drive a car or practice psychiatry).  Raising children as valuable and important as those things.    But also don’t like …a group who says we would really like to have someone else’s child, women who aren’t interested carrying in womb 9 mo; different segment whether addicted or not can have children and thats’ a separate issue.

2. if you don't have your own bio-children, your parents feel deprived, as if they die and their legacy doesn't live on.
 
Solution: adopt a young person (at least legal adult) who wants some more support but also has a voice in how they want to be treated and want their planet to be in 75 years.
  
J: remember father v upstanding, integrity, want him to live till nephew understand his values, carrying on the values.  Person being adopted needs to be clear that’s what it’s about and be willing to make the commitment.  Father was in hospital) he did live and nephew was able to be around him.

3. You can’t trust people to cooperate.  Having a kid seems to require more hands on deck than just a nuclear family.  You want to pool resources yet you can't trust most people to walk their talk.  

Solution: a smartphone-based game where a number of adults can "adopt" one of the adults in their city or town to play the role of the child in the game.  Then the role of the child rotates to the next adult.  Trust gets built, or you can weed out the unserious.  The adults provide the “adopted child” player with emotional support, guidance, maybe even food? 

J: don’t know, the more people playing the more refinement would happen.  More would be revealed about how to improve the game, how to improve the relationships.  Like the idea of naturally weeded out. Play for a good long time.  

4. Advocates of voluntary population degrowth are often countered with the argument that the aging population will have too few people to take care of them and they will be left to die alone and in horrible conditions.  They feel frustrated that a minor problem is being placed above a larger problem of potential mass extinction of humanity through overpopulation, ecological collapse, and mass starvation.  They feel grief, rage, and confusion.

Solution: “Old-pooling”: a matching service that lets you adopt an older person in your area as a surrogate caregiver, streamlining the legal barriers while vetting appropriately, giving volunteers a chance to contribute from their surplus and make lighter work.

J:  great way for young people be exposed to wisdom, elders have so much to offer.  Often elders have seen things from the steam engine to the smartphone, weathered many challenges.  Improve—


5. problem: sharing a child with more adults looks deprivational and weird.  

Solution: a streaming tv show about a family of ten adults raising one daughter that makes it normal: an all-American show about responsibility, love, and family

J: heartwarming, expand the idea, podcasts, forums, public speaking events to get the message out there, really cool idea.  Public perception of it being derivational and weird: once yogurt and tofu were thought of as weird, enough people , more acceptable, smoking was normal even with childen around, no seatbelts, public perception can be changed by info.  

J: last one.  inner emojis lit up. Used to be had grandmother and more and more women don’t want rush kid off to daycare after 6w.  In community with 32 families people ask if someone can watch their kid for 2hrs.  

When kid, went around to all the other elderly at the camps, felt safe, loved listening to them; the healthy mothers watched out for her (mother was mentally ill) 

—

S

1. S. feedback on population proposals 
1. Grandparents be part of life as well.  
2. Challenges: one way of having less is having birth control widely available, women being given choices.  
1. Grandparents for the young adult
2. As long as can get away form physical things they want to pass on, can be more of a internal actions taken and behaviors can influence , energies; 
3. In other countries have tie college students with elderly people; take care and elder also helps mold, advice and example, helps isolation.  
4. Pair children with elders—idea of elder day care paired with preschool. 
3. Game:
1. Helps people trust; 
2. Down side: people being unwilling to get involved
4. Old pooling 
1. Incentive—marketing; advertising the benefits you receive to make it more possible for wiling to do it.
5. Streaming show; 
1. movies as well  for wider audience
2. Making it more mainstream 

Like the one about pairing grandparents with young person; elders have so much wisdom that’s not being passed on .  In indigenous populations have higher value toward elders.  Integrated.  

Sweden, 

Else? The one thing about having adults is important, but relationships with other children is also important.   Maybe having some overlap. Kindergarten but also have friends.  Cousins, might never see them.  

Reflections

• I got some really heartfelt sharing of experiences and some good suggestions, and it was quite amazing to be able to set up a space for conversations like these.  
• I spoke to five people, and asked their advice on my five different rudimentary ideas for balancing population. With 4 people, I remembered to ask them which idea they liked the most, and the others I had not remembered to do that part.  It was a lot of instructions to remember and keep my attention relational.  
• I got a lot of judgments, positive more than negative but it was more of that than advice; learned to push for advice, but it feels a bit forced and awkward to do so.
• I don't understand the suggestion to read all 5 ideas to them at first--how do they remember what they are then to give advice? I would need to modify this to read them all first and then reread one at at time.  I didn't actually pick up on the "Read them all first" instruction until rereading the directions afterwards.
• There were two votes for "old pooling" and one strong vote for the TV show
• I got off of the process, and had circumstances lineup for to pursue the TV show, and I got to join a writing workshop that has been powerful, warmly, supportive, and has given good feedback. The workshop has as much focus on emotion for the characters as the initiative book has focus on emotion for people, so it's a really good fit, but I acknowledge I've gotten away from the process in a significant way 
• There's also some wrinkles that need to be acknowledged; my close contact people are also people who had the problem. Everyone I've talked to in some way acknowledges that there were two few adults on hand to support them growing up, or at any rate that there would've been a better foundation for their life if more focus has been put on supporting them as children and less on other things, for example of the adults' mental health needed more help, if somehow the adults had had the time, resources, and support to get the healing they needed, that would've made a huge difference for their children. While you can't boil this down directly to a population issue entirely, it must be acknowledged that a lot of energy (and money) was being put into raising other children in other households which, if it had been pooled together for the support of just one child could've made a huge difference. (This is not to say that there should be just one child for 10 adults evenly distributed throughout the cities in towns, children also need other children, as one of my interviews pointed out, so bunching up the children together does make a lot of sense, or having them within walking distance of one another. Nevertheless, if the adults around those children could have been supported by other adults, and the children given access to their choice of which adults in the community they would go to for love and support, their lives could've been much better.)  People really felt this strongly. It was inspiring to hear.
• I don't really feel that inspired about the one idea that got more votes, and I am aware that there is an organization that already does a very similar thing, pairing young people in a living place with an older person.  I don't have a lot of clarity about how effective it is, but it does exist.
• Another wrinkle is that there are no experts in the field of population balancing. There are people who studied the subject, who could be called experts, but you wouldn't really call someone an expert who has never successfully done the thing that their field attempts. The closest thing to an expert Might be someone like Michael Bayliss, of the population podcast of Australia. I have a chance to talk to him tomorrow.
• Another person who I would call an expert would be "Mr. condom", but his office declined to put me in touch, direct me towards American organization, such as Planned Parenthood. Well, the work of Planned Parenthood is certainly essential to preventing population from being far more out of balance than it currently is, it isn't leading the way in voluntary population reduction in a cooperative manner, it is not in any way that's on their website or has made the news.  The population of the USA is not descending at nearly the rate that it could if people chose to take full advantage of the opportunity this moment in history presents.